History's Greatest Replies, according to Dr. Mardy

This compilation is just priceless.

Some classics:

"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
-Lady Astor

"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
-Winston Churchill

****

"What are you doing reading a Bible?" asked an astonished Thomas Mitchell, confronted by an irreligious man paging through the Good Book on his deathbed.

"I'm looking for loopholes."
-W. C. Fields

****

At a press conference, a reporter pointed out that $80,000 was $5,000 more than President Hoover's annual salary.

"Maybe so, but I had a better year than he did."
-Babe Ruth

John Cleese's Letter to America

Cleese is still one of the funniest men on the planet.

His letter to America is wonderfully droll, witty and more than a little damning.

Need a laugh?

Go read it.

eTrade's baby/clown commercial is still making me laugh whenever I see it

Never underestimate the creepiness of clowns.

Eric Schulman's "Wiki history of the universe in 200 words or less"

Brilliant. From the Science Creative Quarterly:

Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization? Violent relaxation. Virialization. Biased galaxy formation? Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Ionization. Compression. Opaque hydrogen. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion. Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metals injection. Star formation. Supernova explosions. Star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Photosynthetic unicellular organisms. Oxidation. Mutation. Natural selection and evolution. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Glaciation. Homo sapiens manifestation. Animal domestication. Food surplus production. Civilization! Innovation. Exploration. Religion. Warring nations. Empire creation and destruction. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation without representation. Revolution. Constitution. Election. Expansion. Industrialization. Rebellion. Emancipation Proclamation. Invention. Mass production. Urbanization. Immigration. World conflagration. League of Nations. Suffrage extension. Depression. World conflagration. Fission explosions. United Nations. Space exploration. Assassinations. Lunar excursions. Resignation. Computerization. World Trade Organization. Terrorism. Internet expansion. Reunification. Dissolution. World-Wide Web creation. Composition. Extrapolation?

Dramatic chipmunk, meet dramatic lemur. Hilarity ensures.

Fail: when things *really* go wrong

Add another bit of Internet jargon to the my personal lexicon: fail.

From the Urban Dictionary:

"Fail: either an interjection used when one disapproves of something, or a verb meaning approximately the same thing as the slang form of suck."

Yup.

Even better, there's a new blog collecting images that catching failing in all its ignominy. Thanks, FAIL blog.

Love it. Funniest thing I saw today, by far.

Oh no! The Internet Crashed! All Data Lost!

Thank you, Onion. Just when I think you can't get any funnier, you go and do...

This.

Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

Video: Italian Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin and Hobbes. Animated. In Italian. I don't think Bill will be thrilled to see his work used by yet another unauthorized party...but this is, as is noted in the comments, a labor of love. It might just squeak in under "fair use" -- but I doubt it. Either way, the animated short is a delightful trip down memory lane. I adored Calvin and Hobbes as a kid. Still do, really. Whenever I mention to a friend that something will "build your character," it's a direct homage.

Prank you very much for the viral marketing infection.

Inspiration strikes at the oddest times.

I spent a little over two hours last night after work pranking the open cubicles of the two coworkers who foiled me earlier this week.

Before:

After:


I think most folks were pretty amused.

Both pranks will have to be disassembled tomorrow. I'll need to remember the cord for my drill, as only one battery is charged for the DeWalt cordless drills I used to assemble the frame. I'd hate to run out of juice at a crucial moment as I take down.

I'll admit, I was proud of myself. Months of apprenticeship actually paid off in efficiently designing, planning, shoppping, measuring, cutting and then framing the armature. I'd like to think the creativity was always there, as this is just the sort of somewhat outrageous stunt I'd imagine pulling at age 10. The difference is that I've got access to power tools, a car, ladder and 6-foot frame to haul everything about and put it together. The will was certainly always there.

I'm glad I got it out of the way last night, too. Today was an intense, on so many levels. You never know what life will bring, whether it's sickness in your family, natural catastrophe or a winning lottery ticket. Or, you know, an 8 x 16.3 foot plastic tent over your desk.



UPDATE: The quarantine victim managed to take considerably better pictures of the prank than I did, perhaps because my digital camera is nearly five years old. Go E!

Dancing Sushi People?

All I can say is that Japan is a very different place -- and I can't wait to visit. I'm not sure I'll ever look at sushi in the same way again.

Foiled at work

Best practical joke I've seen in a long time -- and it was played on me.

Retaliation is in process....

Update: Here's the complete set to admire on Flickr, posted by the perpetrators.

YouTube Video: Darth Vader calls the Emperor. Hilarity ensures.

Going 1776-style

A coworker forwarded me two images he'd taken in D.C. recently while visiting the Air and Space Museum. The Declaration of Independence is in there during renovations of the building it's normally housed in. Here's the thing: Scanning the document, his “practiced eye” (he's also a web editor) found a few discrepancies in the copy:

If these required a "1776-style," imagine the following:

1776-style search engine:

1776-style link bait:

JibJab's 2006 Year in Review? Chuckle-worthy.

Nuckin' Futs - The JibJab Year in Review