This compilation is just priceless.
"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
"What are you doing reading a Bible?" asked an astonished Thomas Mitchell, confronted by an irreligious man paging through the Good Book on his deathbed.
"I'm looking for loopholes."
-W. C. Fields
At a press conference, a reporter pointed out that $80,000 was $5,000 more than President Hoover's annual salary.
"Maybe so, but I had a better year than he did."